Do you feel confident when meeting people socially? Many of the lovely people I see as clients find it uncomfortable. Some even avoid social situations they used to enjoy in the past.
Whether it is going on a date, or going somewhere where you will be with people you have not bet before – it can cause our insecurities to come to the surface, particularly if we are generally stressed and anxious in day to day life.
The internal ‘mind monkey’ chatter, “Will I look okay?” “Will I know what to say?” “What if I say the wrong thing?” “What if they don’t like me?” “What if I spill my food on my dress!” (my usual one – ha!) etc etc.
The first way to overcome these insecurities is to change your perspective of the situation.
We very often put things into one of two categories, the right outcome or the wrong outcome. The possibility of having a ‘wrong’ outcome causes feelings of stress and anxiety.
If you ditch this way of thinking then everything becomes easier.
See the outing as an opportunity. Have the aim of enjoying this opportunity and believe that whatever happens is the right result.
Taking on this perspective means there is no wrong result, which reduces the feelings of stress and anxiety. Because you don’t have those feelings, you feel more relaxed and confident.
If you are going on a date and you decide you don’t want to see that person again, then that’s great. You’ve learned something and now you can move forward and are one step closer to finding Mr/Miss Right.
If you are out socially or at a work event and you meet people you don’t feel a natural connection with, then that’s great. You now know they are not your preferred company. You have learned something. You can now move on and find other people to spend time with.
Every outcome is the RIGHT result.
Remember, you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and not everyone will be yours – and that is just fine!
Stand like a confident person and you will feel more confident. Stand tall and confidently with open body language. (You can secretly be doing your 7-11 breathing to help you feel calmer). Fake it until you make it! Smile, make eye contact and pretend you are confident and relaxed, the more you pretend, the more you actually will be.
The easiest way to find conversation easy and effortless – is to expect the person you are talking to, to be the most fascinating person you have ever met. This is the one thing I do myself all the time when meeting new people.
Genuinely show an interest in them and their experiences. Make the conversation all about them – initially anyway. Ask questions about them and their experiences and really listen to the answers. Most people have a story to tell and everyone likes people who show a genuine interest in them – it builds rapport. Which means the conversation will flow easily.
Also, when you are focusing fully on the other person, you are not worrying about those insecurities you had about yourself and they just melt away.
If you want to give yourself a boost of self-confidence before a date or social event, you could listen to my hypnosis audio which contains hypnotic suggestions to help you feel more confident automatically. Click the image for details:
Some people benefit most from personalised hypnosis sessions that help them overcome their confidence issues directly. Please do be in touch for a free telephone consultation to discuss.